Like A Stone Artist:Audioslave

(click post title to hear song)

On a cobweb afternoon

In a room full of emptiness
By a freeway I confess
I was lost in the pages
Of a book full of death
Reading how we'll die alone
And if we're good we'll lay to rest
Anywhere we want to go

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone
I'll wait for you there
Alone

And on my deathbed I will pray
To the gods and the angels
Like a pagan to anyone
Who will take me to heaven
To a place I recall
I was there so long ago
The sky was bruised
The wine was bled
And there you led me on

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone
I'll wait for you there
Alone, alone

And on I read
Until the day was gone
And I sat in regret
Of all the things I've done
For all that I've blessed
And all that I've wronged
In dreams until my death
I will wander on

In your house I long to be
Room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone
I'll wait for you there
Alone, alone

Finding True Friends

Well I just got my oh, idk 1000th or so invite to someone's group that was sent to my RL email today. I'm freakin tired of it! If I wanted to join a group I'd go to the place on search and join! The problem is this person says they are a friend of mine but yet I haven't spoken to them since leaving that azzhole Error I dated oh.....idk at LEAST SIX MONTHS AGO!!!!! Now why in the flying F**K would I want to join a person's group that obviously hasn't talked to me in 6 months? hmmmmmmm......I dunno either.... I'll tell you I have been given more wedding invitations, party invitations, birthday invitation etc in the last month than I know what to do with. Thing is, only one person has really given a tinker's dayum that I haven't been on SL in over a MONTH!

That would be my REAL friend Scotti Rhode. She is the ONLY ONE who has bothered to ask where the hell am I on my email and IM. yeah i've gotten the fake "where-are-you-and-I'm-going-to-ACT-concerned-only-cos-you-aren't-doing-what-you-said-you-would-do-and-now-I-have-to-do-it" email but they were filled with the assumption that I was missed only because the person sending it was having to do what I said I would help them with. Not that they genuinely missed me. I've actually been on and off of SL did you notice? nope not one person said hello. So don't give me this BS about how much you missed me cos sorry I'm not buying it. guess I shouldn't have been surprised tho. Why should SL be any different than RL when people real or virtual are still the same? *sigh*

So, once again I've done what I said I wouldn't do and I've created an alt. Actually I have quite a few now. A couple people know about 4 of them but if I have those and you know of them, surely there are others right? Did you honestly think I was dumb enough to tell you about them ALL Kincent dear? *laffs* That's right and I quit playing TW just like you did too remember?

Oh that's the other one, I guess he and I aren't talking anymore now you gotta love that one *sigh* Well Kincent love, the door is open to you and Scotti but I'm rethinking how I feel towards the rest of you. I do know I'm tired of all the f'n DRAMA on SL that comes with alot of you; tired of all the bitchin' some of you bring and expect me to listen; tired of people expecting me to be there for them yet they aren't for me when I need someone; and most of all I'm tired of having to listen to myself bitch period. I'm more tired of all this BS than I am of all the STUPID ASS HUNTS on SL! Dayum that's enough to make a person wanna quit right there! Glad I've met new people with my other accounts and made new friends. They remembered when my rl birthday was and y'kno what? They even had me a party too!

I can go back to the reason I came to SL to begin with and don't have to be weighed down cos they just let me "be". Y'kno sometimes when people uncheck you on their firends list, that is USUALLY A SIGN THEY WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE! Not bugged to death especially when they are with someone! Especially something stupid like some f'n sale (yeah idc about shooz either when i'm with someone!) or new dress or even worse a problem YOU are having with YOUR man! Yeah that's what I wanna hear right in the middle of sex....(Example of what I deal with.....friend sends SEVEN SEPARATE IM's........oh ya it happens all the time! or worse more than just 1 friend)




Now this is usually around 9PM-1AM SLT when everyone in the USA is usally in BED or getting well you kno......
Friend IM#1: hey Mel guess what? there is a shoe sale over at ABC Store!
(I ignore it)

5 min later Friend IM #2: Did you see it in XYZ's frebie blog?
(I ignore it AGAIN)

another 5 min and I get Friend IM #3: You don't wanna MISS IT!
(by this time I'm getting pissed but I ignore it too)

ANOTHER 5min and they send Friend IM #4: If you are with Mr X, he can wait this sale is only for an hour!
(well just great there goes the mood.......guess I'll have to fake this one hope he doesn't notice.....i AGAIN ignore it using the patience of JOB and what they taught me in my anger management class)

they then have the audacity to send yet ANOTHER Friend IM #5: Awwww...come on! Don't you wanna come now?

(out of shear frustration) I respond: actually dumbazz I was about to but not where you are!
(friend then gets pissed, we usually fight, and she then thinks I'm a total bitch but dayum wonder why I said what I did??? hmmmmm.......take a hint next time! this was REALLy bad when I was working omg)




That was just an example of what I deal with ALL the time! When I"m with someone its ok for EVERYONE to bug the hell outta me but OH NO I can't say one thing to you if you are with your man. You get all pissed. Well you know what, I WANT TO BE LEFT THE F**K ALONE TOO! Dayum that was asking ALOT outta y'all wasn't it? Just to let me be? If I had "busy" on oh my LAWD you thought the f'n world had ended....I couldn't do that noooo cos I was mad at you if I did that.....hmmm.....friends..........sure is amazing what 2 years will teach you.......

My Birthday

Well yesterday was my birthday. I'm not sure what is worse, that I am reminded that I'm another year older or that nobody remembered it? It was just another day a regular boring old day. Getting older sure does suck. Thing is, I'm really good at remembering other people's birthdays why is it that they don't care to remember mine? and people wonder why I want to go hide in some box and mail myself off somewhere else? Well gee Captain Obvious it isn't that hard to figure out to me *sigh* So I'm having a pity party instead of a birthday party yes.

Marriage

Before Marriage

Boy: Yes! At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want to leave me?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes...
Girl: Darling!

After Marriage

(Simply read the above conversation from bottom to top.)

Bunnies are peaceful, innocent creatures.... until you make fun of them. Then they all bundle up and look at you with their twinkling eyes and distract you while the bunny king thwomps you with a rock!

Moral of the story : bunnies are stronger than you think...

The disciples of Bunny shall rise up and destroy everyone who doesn't have Armoured Bunny on their profile. So copy him from here to help him on his way to world domination:

((\_/))
((\_/)) [] ((='.'=)) [] ( (\_/))
(='.'=) [] ((''))(('')) [] (='.'=)
('')_('') [][][][][][][][] ('')_('')

This is Armoured Bunny on his mighty throne with his henchmen

('')_('')

This is, or rather, was, Bunny's enemy. A disciple of Mousey




This Is Bunny!

(\_/)
=( '.' )=
(")_(")

This Is Psycho Bunny!

(\_/)
=(O.o)=
(") (")


This is Zombie bunny!

(\_/)
=(x.x)=
(")_(")


This is Acid-Bunny!

(\_/)
=(0.x)=
(") (")

This is chilled bunny!

(\ /)
=(-.-)=
(") (")

This is happy bunny!

(\___/)
(=^.^=)
(")_(")

This is chinese bunny!

(\___/)
(=>.<=)
(")_(")

This is rich bunny!

(\___/)
(=$.$=)
(")_(")

This is road kill bunny!

(\|/|/)
(=|/|=)
("|/|")

This is emo bunny!

(\___/)
(//.'=)
(")_(")

This is the wise man bunny!
(\_/)
(-_-)
(")"(")

This is drugified Bunny!
(\___/)
( @.@ )
(")"(")

This is the bunny preist!
(\_/)
๑۩۞۩๑
(O.o)
(> <)
/_|_\

This is music bunny!
(\_/)
(♪.♪)
(")_(")

This is love bunny!
(\_/)
(♥.♥)
(")_(")

This is copyright bunny !
(\_/)
(©.©)
(")_(")

This is unknown bunny!
(\_/)
(?.?)
(")_(")

This is shocked bunny!
(\_/)
(°.°)
(")_(")

This is math bunny!
(\_/)
(÷.+)
(")_(")

And this is poor victum Bunny
(\_/)
>-(='.'=)->
(")_(")

Here is the bunny attack squad!
(\ (\ (\ (\_/) /) /) /)
(0.(0.(0.(O.o).o).o).o)
(> (> (> (> <) <) <) <)
/_ /_ /_ /_|_\ _\ _\ _\

Here is exteremly happy bunny!
(\_/)
(☺.☺)
(")_(")

Here is cool shades bunny!
(\_/)
(◘.◘)
(")_(")

Here is stupid world domination bunny!

:
0 0
(*_*)
===
(> <)
UU

Help bunny conquer the world!


(\_/)
(O.O)
(><)
/_|_\
Usual Bunny.

(\_/)
(*.*)
(><)
/_|_\
Funny Bunny.


(\-/)
(<.>)
("|")
/_|_\
Agent Bunny.

(\-/)
($.$)
(")(")
(_|_)
Money Bunny.

(\-|)
(0.*)
(")(")
(_|_\
Mixed Bunny/Bunny Scarface.

(\-/)
(?.?)
(")(")
/_|_\
Confused Bunny.

(\-/)
(-.-)
(0-=)
/_|_\
Bunny Warrior.

(\-/)
(+,+)
(|)(|)
(_|_)
Bunny Snowman.

()-()
(>.<)
(")(")
(,,)(,,)
Bunny With Alot Of Claws.

()-()
(-.-)
( 0 )
/_|_\
Cool Bunny

(\_/)
(~.~)
{..¬}
[_|_]
Bunney with a gun

(\-/)
(*.*)
{###}
\_|_/

BUNNY acordion player
(\_/)
(<->)
()(~)()
(/ \)

UNKNOWN BUNNY
_____
<(-_^)>
{}{}
/_|_\
­
TECKNO BUNNY

(____)
-..(\_/)..-
/..\(0.0)/..\
/....\(><)/....\
/_|_\
angle bunny

()_()
<---(x x)--<<
(> <)
(")(")

poor bunny

(\_/)
(@_@)
(> <)
|_|_|
Watching Bunny

---
|
|
()()
(x_x)
===
(> <)
UU

suicide bunny

(\_/)
(=.=)
(><)
/_|_\
KARATE BUNNY

(\_/)
_(=.=)_
[](><)[]
~ /_|_\~
JET-PACK BUNNY

(\_/)
[0.0]
\-U-/
|xx|
/_I_\

Foreign BUNNY

/)_(\
(0-0)
(>.<)
|_|_|
Nerd Bunny

(\_//
(O.o)
<(__)>
/_|_\
Crazy Bunny

/)_/)
(*.*)
~(>_)>
/_/_|
Disco Bunny

(\_/)
(#.-)
(>._)/
/_|_\
Pirate Bunny

(\--/)
(►.◄)
[](>`<)[]
/_|_\

killin bunny

/(_)\
@(ö.ö)@
UU_UU
/___\
Bier Mädchen Bunny

(\_/)
\\(__)//
/S.B\
/____\
Super Bunny
____
(____)
-..(\_/)..-
/..\(0.0)/..\
/....\(><)/....\
/_|_\

angel bunney

(\-/)
(o.o)
(;;(><);;)
<--/_|_\``

dragon bunny

/\_/\
......(Q.Q).../|\
.....(><)__/
/_|_\

devil bunny


(\_/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_(\_/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_(\__/)_/)
(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_(\_(\__/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)
(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)
(O.(O.(O.(O(O(Q.Q).o).o).o).o).o)
(> (> (> (> (> (><) <) <) <) <) <)
/_|/_|/_|/_|/_|/_|_\|_\|_\|_\|_\|_\


(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_(\_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)_/)
(o.(o.(O.(O.(O.(O.O).O).O).O).o).o)
(> (> (> (> (> <) <) <) <) <)
/_|/_|/_|/_|/_|/_|_\|_\|_\|_\|_\|_\


U cant escape the bunnies!
Copy these bunnies on to your profile and help them on their way to world domination!

An SL Love Poem

Not sure who wrote this but its GREAT! I just had to share it especially since today is Valentine's Day

I swear upon these pixel shoes,

(The ones stuck up my ass),

To never, ever leave your side,

(Unless, of course, I crash).

I swear to never look upon

Another pixel chick,

To always check for updates

For my interactive dick.

I’ll even pay that hefty fee,

Ten Lindens or whatever,

To get you in my partner box,

Where you will stay forever.

I’ll keep you in my profile,

Where I’ll write such loving things.

I’ll never wear bandanas,

Or that freebie gangsta bling.

I promise not to change my av,

Or wear a hover text watch.

All these things I swear

Upon the hair stuck at my crotch.

When the asset server fails us,

And transactions all go down,

When teleports cannot complete,

I’ll still be around.

But should you ever leave me,

I’ll drag you through the pixel courts,

And make you pay that twenty five

For our virtual divorce!

+•.¸★¸• Snippets n Laffs •.¸★¸•

Life is 90% what I make of it and 10% what happens to me....seize the day...go get what you want...dont wait for someone to give it to you...

"The happiest people in life don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."

"Nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff."

~ Dont let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life.~

[19:24]  You: well shit they moved

[19:25]  You: k well here we go on to the new place then

[19:25]  RD: 0ok tp me

[19:26]  RD: merry christmas

[19:26]  RD: :)

[19:26]  You: fuckin ho ho ho

[19:26]  RD: hahahha

[20:32] Scotti Rhode: We're bobbing in feet and ass water. Fucking lag

[20:30] Imelda Whitfield: hater? u must be talkin bout her cos im soooo lovin punkins i got a huge one btw my legs right now
[20:30] Imelda Whitfield: dayum that sounds dirty
[20:30] Scotti Rhode: glad you noticed that too

[18:40] Imelda Whitfield: omg i just asked scotti no lie in voice i asked her if she wanted to go on the ozzard of wiz hunt?
[18:40] LassDream McMahon: goober!

[1:47] Scotti Rhode: the only true friend a man's has is his dick, and that can betray him too

[4:19] LassDream McMahon: Bless me father for I have sinned.....I pulled an all nighter and STILL catch up to all the freebies and hunts...I pushed another I out of the way to get that FAB must have will go moldy in inv skin AND my inventory wont be organized until March 2009
[4:19] Imelda Whitfield: pffft
[4:19] Imelda Whitfield: March 2010 more like it IF then

[2:30] Taliesin Ceawlin: time to look for another skybox? or reduce prim count on your parcel?
[2:31] Imelda Whitfield: looking for another one ;p
[2:31] Taliesin Ceawlin: ;p
[2:31] Imelda Whitfield: we don't reduce prims tali thats giving in
[2:31] Imelda Whitfield: bah
[2:31] Taliesin Ceawlin: rofl

[20:36] Aabyye Aya: whoah mom what are they talkin about

[20:36] Skye Morales: shhhh Aya
[20:36] Aabyye Aya: hehe
[20:36] Skye Morales: stick your fingers in your ears
[20:36] Sarah Sawson: nothing aabyye
[20:36] Skye Morales: lol
[20:36] TRoy Chemistry is Offline
[20:36] Aabyye Aya: mom whats a klitterbiss
[20:36] Skye Morales: shhhhh omg
[20:36] Sarah Sawson: its a cat that kisses
[20:36] Skye Morales: AYA ADRIAN!
[20:36] Aabyye Aya: huh
[20:36] Aabyye Aya: whatdido
[20:37] Skye Morales blushes

[14:07] Bondagegirl Porta: i got into an argument with a friend
[14:08] Bondagegirl Porta: and i was told if i get stuck, think what would jesus do
[14:08] Bondagegirl Porta: so i tried to turn them into a fish!
[14:09] Imelda Whitfield: oh my GOD you DIDNT
[14:09] Bondagegirl Porta: BOO YA
[ 14:09] Bondagegirl Porta: then i started shouting BE GONE SATAN!


[21:36] Scotti Rhode: PM asked me if you got SL AIDS yet?
[21:36] Imelda Whitfield: lmao yeah i prolly do
[21:37] Scotti Rhode: He wants you to got the sl clinic



(Right after our wedding while stil in the chapel)
[19:02] You: Mel the first to break endra's ballroom cherry
[19:02] Endra Graves: oh - that was the back side of yur wedding invitation on the lawn if you were wondering
[19:02] Clint Loening: lol
[19:02] Scotti Rhode: That sounds so wrong
[19:02] ProudMonkey Montgomery: nice
[19:02] You: oops i should prolly say that OUTSIDE of church
[19:02] Imelda Whitfield giggles
[19:02] Clint Loening: ya
[19:03] You: oh that would be AW

I was camping and had time to think which is rare.....and realized a few things about myself so here goes:

1. Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them but you know they are always there. i love you all very much!

2. Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of withering and of tarnishing.

3."Anything less than complete trust would be a kind of careful negotiation. And careful negotiation isn't love. A person must be willing to be dashed on the rocks or made the fool in exchange for a relationship in order for pure love to take place." -Donald Miller

I struggle with this last one. Is there anyone who completely trusts someone else? I really don't think so.....trust like that can only bring pain....but I long for it anyway

"People can learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some pretty, some dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors. But, they all fit nicely into the same box"

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk disappoinment. But risks must be taken because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, sees nothing, has nothing and is nothing. He cannot learn, feel, change, grow love and live."

 To know the world, you must first know Mississippi  ~ William Faulkner

                                                     

Always be yourself because nobody can ever tell that you are doing it wrong

"Anything less than complete trust would be a kind of careful negotiation. And careful negotiation isn't love. A person must be willing to be dashed on the rocks or made the fool in exchange for a relationship in order for pure love to take place."                           -Donald Miller

How SL Changed My Life

It all started out innocently enough......really it did. After almost 2 years into this I can say that it really was innocent at first. I started playing SL on May 27, 2007 after seeing it on the news one night. Curiosity had gotten the best of me so I went to the computer, looked up the website, downloaded the software, and after loading it, I created Imelda Whitfield. I named myself this because like I said innocently......for my love of shoes after Imelda Marcos and well I picked Whitfield out of a very long list of names. I chose the name Whitfield because near where I live there is a place where all these crazy folks live. Innocent enough...or so I thought to name an avatar "Shoe Crazy" right? After all, they ARE just cartoons.....



So I started my account and quickly I found out about how to shop in SL. Oh boy! One of my fave things! I remember going to my first mall. I saw a girl who had this dark hair and skin. She looked nothing like I did in my purple shirt faded jeans and "Lego" blonde hair. Oh, I thought I looked ok but no, I didn't look like her. She had a swishy skirt and hair....mine didn't move at all......but i WANTED it to. So I remember asking her how does it do that? and she gave me my first prim hair! oooooh boy! The first prim hair! How excited I was! Then after looking around the mall a bit I soon discovered all the other things the "people" of SL shopped for. ooooo shopping!!!!! omg i LOVE this! But I had no idea how to make money. This would soon be remedied by meeting my first friend.

She was Brandy and she had an apartment! OOOOOO you can have a place to live here?!?!?!?! I was so excited and her place with its bean bag chair and square green cardboard 1 prim bed were WAY kewl to me! Little did I know right? I met her at a place called Junkyard Blues.....my first club to visit in SL. She showed me how to do /me and make emotes. She gave me my first AO.....shoot I think I still even HAVE that thing! She gave me clothes, hair, and my personal obsession.....SHOES! Thus begins the shoe collection *laffs*

Brandy said I could stay with her since I didn't have a place to live. She also told me about money trees. omg how kewl is it that money really grows on trees here?!?!?!? Shopping and FREE money! omg! I was hooked on SL now! But Brandy wasn't as she had been in SL awhile and was bored. So she moved on.

My next friend.....or so I thought at the time I met would be SWAK. He was a very nice av. Like I said...or so I thought. By this time I had been on SL non stop trying to grab every freebie on the planet! Free stuff oh boy!!!! I thought I had hit the jackpot. Why buy stuff when they give it away free? Plus there were these things called "camping chairs" where you were GIVEN moeny for sitting! omg! how kewl is that???? Like I said.......I was hooked


SWAK would prove to be a very influentual person in my SL as he was my first bf. You never forget your first no matter WHAT world you are in. I was lonely in rl. I had just lost my mother in March and my job in April. Life was pretty shitty so I was looking for something......someone.....to fill it with, and my husband didn't do it for me anymore. So when SWAK told me about virtual sex and how to emote on SL well that fit everything. You see, I am not one to read romance novels but I DO have a very active and vivid imagination. This would prove to be very essential in my SL to come.

Sad thing though SWAK would prove to be an alt. Little did I know though what an alt was as remember I was VERY new to SL. SWAK it turns out was married. Not just in SL but married in rl. He had a whole other account complete with his rl wife and rl daughter in SL too. Ya I was going wtf too! Long story short his wife thought that he and I were having a rl affair as he was on the road alot. Well, we weren't having an affair in rl but in sl.....he was but i didn't know anything about her! Needless to say he and I were way over! I may be a noob but I was NOT stupid!




About 2-3 weeks maybe a lil more or less into my SL I find myself at this club called Racers. I have this love for NASCAR and when I did a search I discover this place so I have to go check it out. There I find this DJ named Cataplexia and she is like amazing! So I decide to stick around and find out when she is going to be playing again. Some of the people in the crowd I can tell are friends so I decide that maybe this would be a fun place to play. Besides a couple of them are talking about racing on the tracks below so yeah, I want to watch too. The next night or idk maybe a couple nights later I come back and hear this DJ again. This time I remember meeting the hostess.....her name is Scotti. She is very flirty and fun and I think she likes this guy ProudMonkey (PM) but I am not sure. I also think that this guy Lordhoun (Lord) likes Calico too hmmm......cute couples. (I so caught hell for this btw as Calico is Lord's rl mom!) Anyway, after the set we aren't tired at all but most of the people leave. I hang around seeing who will come on next or what will be going on as I am SO not tired at all! Scotti has to go so she heads back to rl to bed. Cataplexia (Cat for short) says we can come over to her place that she has a pool. So she tp's Lord, PM, and I over to her house. I of course being new haven't a swimsuit yet so she gives me one. Kewl! More free clothes! This one is sexy too. So I change and Cat changes and we all hop in the pool. I remember thinking her house is HUGE! Especially compared to the little apartment I was sharing over in the art district.

That night I met another girl...Suma....she comes running in all excited like....oh yeah i remember her from earlier. She was at Racer's too! She and her bf left tho but I wasn't sure why. They are def a couple tho as she comes prancing in wearing a diamond ring on her left hand and showing everyone announcing their engagement. WOW this game is just like life! You can get married too?!?!?! How kewl is that?!?!?!?!?


It is this bunch of friends that I will carry with me throughout my entire SL. Little did I know it at the time but they are the best group of people that I have EVER met on SL and prolly will meet. We all started SL around the same time. We were noobs together. We experienced almost everything together. We laughed together. We lived, lost and loved together. Those that are here........I love you. Those that aren't, I miss you terribly! You all know who you are.......


SWAK would be my first bf in a line of them that follow. I not only went to Racers but I also went to another club called The Station. How much I LOVED that place! I was there all the time.....the music.....the DJ's........the events.....oh i loved it! Couldn't get enough! It was also there that I caught the eye of one of the DJ's. His name was Loriz. We had such a wonderful love affair. So sweet and so romantic! He sang sweet love songs to me all the time and I was totally smitten. He had asked if I had a place to live and I told him about my small apartment in the art district. He asked me to move in with him as he had this huge house and said I could decorate it any way I wanted. How kewl is that?


Sure! I had saved up some L by this time and so I went out and bought all this furniture. I wouldn't need it for rent anymore as Loriz said he would take care of that. No big deal he said as he was a DJ he got paid tons of L. So we moved in together and I let my little apartment go. STUPID! *sigh* After about a month or so Loriz and I were getting use to each other. I would go with him to gigs.....not only at The Station but at this other club called Rapids. Here I would meet my next group of friends that are dear to me. I call them my UK bunch. Rotten owns Rapids and Briana works for him as a hostess. I cherish their friendship very much and love both of you! It's been a long time hasn't it? *smile* Bri would later introduce me to my SL sissy Porta and her well he is her hubby now.....Gerry.


Loriz and I would continue a while longer and one day out of the clear blue he and I start talking marriage. ooooo I get all excited. My turn! So I am thinking this is going to be fun especially since I didn't get the wedding I wanted in rl I could do it all over again right? WRONG! He proposed to me that very afternoon. We were swimming and above the pool is this statue of Cupid. He calls me over and under the statue he professes his love for me. He then takes a diamond stud out of his ear and instead of a ring that is what he gives me. Says he doesn't "do" rings as everyone does that. um.......ok.....this is SL so I said all right and well we were engaged for the afternoon. I say that because by the time I log out and come back to SL that evening I can't log into the house where I normally do. I am banned!

WHAT?!?!?!? Then I look in my groups........I am not in the group either.......I IM the guy that owns the house. He tells me Loriz said to kick me out! wtf?!?!?!!? OH YES it is true! um.....didn't he just propose to me earlier? I am so confused! Says he is rushing and that I am not the one for him. I need to come and get my furniture and get out. I literally am crying in rl. My heart is so broken! I am without a place to stay now. What do I do? Calling a girlfriend........who becomes my best friend........Scotti, she lets me stay at her place. I dont' really "stay" per se just change clothes there so I am not bombarded by noobs that wanna peek for free. I am traumatized for real tho.


After Loriz and I broke up I met this guy named Wynndan (Wynn). I was dancing in a club and I remember I had on one of my fave schoolgirl outfits. Out of nowhere this guy IM's me and said he wanted to know if I was an escort? Taken aback I said no and he tells me that I should be and that if I am interested he can help me. I'm like WHAT?!?!?!? So he asks me to come to his place and I'm thinking.....oh i know what is going to happen next......been here before done that right? Only no not this time. This time would be very different as he isn't like the other guys

Wynn asks me if I have ever had sex on SL before and of course I have a few times by now. He acts like he is interested in me actually as we are slow dancing at the time. Truth is I'm not sure if he was or not as we never did get together and always just remained good friends. But it is Wynn that will make a big change in my SL as he introduces me to Brienne.

I am as green as a person can be to escorting and frankly very nervous even tho I know they aren't really seeing ME per se but I feel like they are. So I am told to fill out an app and send in 2 pics. 1 is to be a head shot and 1 to be completely nude. OK so I did what they asked not a biggie and thus my journey as an escort begins.

My first client..........oh my GOD! I get called! Brie sends out a message on the group chat asking if anyone is available that there is a guy here wanting girls to just go to some club. He will pay them $2K L apiece just to walk in with him. Walk in? wtf? Yeah he is for real just walk in dance for a little while and thats all there is to it. There are about 5-6 of us that show up. I remember I was with one of my bf's at the time and we were at some club that was having a BDSM event so I had to come in black latex of all the crazy things to wear. I'm an escort so I guess this isn't unusual to wear.......at least I hope not right?


oh my tag shit! I forgot to wear my work tag! Dayum! ok got it on.......ok don't forget to clock in.......done that.....omg what else.......I'm forgetting soemthing I know it. All these girls oh my.....I didn't know this many would show up! I hope he chooses me. So many of them are so much prettier than I.....oh please pick me! They said all we had to do was just walk in wiht this guy this job has got to be an easy $2K L. But Brie said someone would help me with this escorting stuff since I have no idea what I am doing.....omg nobody did I was just hired yesterday! I am SO FREAKING NERVOUS! ok get my shit together i have GOT to calm down.....I just have to walk in......that's all....oh why didn't someone help me????? wait what? ALL of us? we are ALL going???? omg! ok sure! tp me! BREATHE!!!!!!!!!


We get to the club.....some stupid ass place called Something Rockstar. I don't remember the exact name but I do remember thinking what a dumbass name to call a club. The guy's name was Brad right? yeah.......thats right Brad.....can't forget the clients name.....never do that! *sigh*. He doesn't want us wearing our work tags omg I hope this is ok? I dont' remember reading anything saying we can't or did I??? omg i have no idea! *calm down* BREATHE! IM to Brie really quick asking if it is ok......whew good don't want to f up with my first client! ok the music is good here.......where the hell is the dance ball?!?!?! there are SO many f'n people here! omg this place is PACKED! ok its only an hour of dancing.....I can do this.

I IM Brad and ask him if he is having a good time? We flirt back and forth.....long story short, he asks me if I want to come to the VIP afterwards for another $2K L? omg! WHAT? $4K L in ONE NIGHT? holy SHIT! So I say sure! Where? Back at work upstairs in the VIP room and so we go back to the lobby. There he says we have to find the first guy we see......Jeremiah.....oooo that cute guy that was so nice to me the day before *squeals* and we have to get him to say yes and come with us? ok ok ok sure! I remember thinking is this Brad guy a freak or what? Oh well its ur money hon. So I IM Jeremiah and beg him to come with us. At first he says no but he gives in after enough of us IM begging him.

Upstairs this Brad guy says he isn't going to participate. Nope just wants to sit there and watch us and Jeremiah. Hmmmmm.....is this really a guy behind this av or is it a female? Prolly a female......but ok whatever just go with it. So we all get Jeremiah undressed and proceed to fuck his brains out while Brad the weirdo watches. Hope Jeremiah had fun as Brad disappeared sometime during the middle. I still thought that Brad was a chick.....i figure it was prolly one of Brie's alts she used on new girls to see how they were with clients. Oh,I also found out that all of us that went that night were new escorts. Well if not all of us the majority of us were. What a crock of shit! Waste my time why don't you? oh well at least i got paid!

Well, thus begins my time as an escort along with all the drama.......and I shall not bore you with those details either. All I will say is that I enjoyed the people I was with there, the friends I made there, and all of you I fucked there. My biggest and only mistake was trying to fit in there but that proved to be a very valuable lesson too which I should have learned earlier.......don't mix so called "family" in with work and you should watch whom you trust. Those that you think you trust will prolly stab you in the back or worse in their warped little minds they will think you want to take over the place.......God only knows why I would have wanted THAT but it is what I was told..........oh wait no...........correction.....I was told that I was trying to "take their place" yeah that was it. Now why the hell I would want to do that is beyond me too. Live in a trailer in virtual reality more than I live in the real world? *laffs* hmmmm......nope! I have a life outside of SL and if I am going to have all of these so called "kids" then I need to be on welfare! But nah, I like my life the way it is, so no thanks! So I come to my senses and left (thank God!) and move to my next job in February of 2008.

Before I make a huge jump I must tell you about a couple of people. First I want to mention Caden. He was the one man in my SL that all men that followed him were compared to. He had me and had me good. He was in my thoughts and dreams for several months. He had been in SL for a couple of years and knew things that I could learn from, things that interested me. I found him very fascinating to talk to. It was he that I thought of when I was with the difficult clients. It was he that I thought of when I went to bed. He in the morning when I got up. Caden took care of me. I'm not sure how but he understood me like nobody else did. We connected, shared, laughed, played, and he made me feel loved. Most of all he made sure I was ok and put my needs ahead of his own without me asking. "Things" were not important to him, people were. Relationships with his friends is what he valued in SL. When he found out that I needed a place to stay, he found me a house, called it "ours" and put it on his land. He paid the tier fee and said for me to pay nothing. Nothing until I could save up enough and then WE would find something else. "We" I really liked the sound of that although the word marriage had not crossed either of our lips. I thought I had finally found someone I could trust. Finally. I felt real love and very safe with him.


Maybe that was why he left......I loved him too much and he might have been afraid of us getting too close. Sometimes I am too intense for people as I can come on strong and fast when I really like someone. Either way, I never was sure why he left as I was never given a reason. But in 2007, just a few days before Christmas actually, would be the last time I would see him. You never know it is the last time you will see someone until it is. I didn't get the chance to ask what happened? I didn't get to tell him goodbye. I didn't get to tell him how much he meant to me or that he could call me no matter what. All of that.......all I got was nothing but empty questions and I was hurt. So I poured myself into my job.....good thing I loved what I did.



It was during this time that I would meet Kincent. Actually it was on December 31, 2007, and yes, you read that correctly......it was New Years....and I was single, hurt and feeling very alone. We spent that New Year's Eve together an evening I wouldn't ever forget. A client I never would forget. A friend and the best lover I had and would ever have. At the time though I didn't know that the friendship he and I would share over the year would lead to where it is now. A time of blissful wonderful togetherness that I can't describe with simple words. He and I are on another level. He understands me like no other and ultimately I will become truely his. *smile*


Now I guess is time where I should be mentioning Ethaan. He and I connected instantly or so in my heart and mind I felt that. We shared a dance the first night I started at my new job. Like I said, things started out innocently. He understood what it was like to live with a person who doesn't love you. He was going through the same thing and was depressed just as I was. He had no idea and prolly still doesn't know to this day how really truely deeply depressed I was. He doesn't know that when we broke up I was on the verge of taking my life.


Sounds stupid looking back, yes I know, but that is how bad off I was in rl. He hurt me at a time when I was already hurting inside and didn't know how to deal with it. A time when I had nobody and I didn't care that nobody cared about me. Thinking like this would land me in Thee Oaks which is a local rehab hospital. No, I am not proud of it. Yes, I am glad it was outpatient so I could come to SL every day. The therapists however didnt' think SL was such a good idea. They thought that SL was bad for me and that I should quit, take it off my computer and totally stop using the computer period. Boy were they wrong! This would lead to several fights between my rl husband and I. Like that was making me better fighting with my husband? *sigh* Now please don't think Ethaan was to blame for any of this oh no way! He wasn't at all to blame! I was messed up way before I met him about alot of things going on. What was going on in SL and all the freakin drama tho wasn't helping but it isn't necessarily all his fault. I'm not trying to sound like it is him because it isn't. It was all me he just happened to be there when it was all going on. To be honest, I hate that he was there because I said and did some stupid shit when we were together. Yes, I have apologized for them and he to me but one can't help but remember.


I would lean heavily on my SL friends at this time. My rl friends didn't have a clue what was going on with me. My husband he didn't know how to deal with me. *I* didn't know how to deal with me. Forget trying to explain to folks they totally didn't get it. Problem is, I didnt' care to deal with me nor if any of them either. I didn't care to eat, bathe, sleep, wake, get up, dress, or even breathe. All I could think about was ending the pain I felt. I just wanted to die and I devised exactly how I would do it. Through several months of intense therapy sessions every day I would come home thinking about how I would do it. While it sounds like a good thing, I would lose about 50 lbs during these months. Yes, I had the weight to lose, but losing it the way I did wasn't good for me I know that. Granted the way I gained it wasn't good either. At least I got back to the size I was when I got married 4 years earlier! (silver lining?) What kept me from doing it? There is a little girl whom I cherish, her name is Katie. Katie is my cousin and I love this little girl very much. I couldn't figure out how they would explain to that child how Carrie had done this to herself. I decided that when I could answer that question and be happy with the answer, I would do it. I'm not sure exactly when I came out of this way of thinking but I know that because of Katie that is why I am here now. The one I would do anything for and now she has ultimately done the greatest thing for me. She doesn't even know it. For the record the answer still hasn't come to me.


I would quit escorting and play SL for fun not just to make money. My best friend in SL Scotti and her bf PM broke up about this time. Yes 10 months together was a LONG time. Yes, it was a total shock when he comes in one day and out of the blue says we are over. This was one of those kind of couples you think would be together forever. I didn't at the time understand it all but I had to respect the decision and be ther for my friend. She even would talk about leaving SL which I begged her not to do. She didn't let me leave SL after Ethaan and I were over. So I was determined not to let her leave after she and PM broke up. She needed me and I needed her in the worst way now. We cling to each other and our bond is tight.


I would meet my SL husband Clint about this time. Well, we had met before but we were just friends before we agreed to get married. He was having some issues with a so called friend of mine, Vixen. She and I worked together and I say "so called" because a couple of weeks into my marriage, I find out that my SL husband leaves me and is with her! *rolls eyes* Thats the short drama free version of course. It is through the marriage ordeal that I would find the flame I had lost (or thought I had lost) a few months earlier. I was FURIOUSE and hell bent that even tho this was my first SL marriage and was a farce from the beginning I wasn't getting married again in SL again EVER!........history tho will prove me wrong.


Skipping along........and many details you really don't care about I promise.......



His name is Kincent. I was his for one evening. One evening that would start a year long friendship. One evening that would ignite the passionate fire I thought was out. One evening that would let me love again......really love again. One evening that would lead me to meet the man behind the avatar. Something I said I would NEVER do.....funny how things we say we won't do, we end up doing anyway. *smile* All of the things I have mentioned, all these things have led me to him. Led me to meet him and be with him. All these events all of these people. SL led me to him. People said that I should stop playing SL! SL is bad for you! You play it too much! it is messing up your head! You need to unplug the computer and erase the game from your HD! How many times did I hear all of those things said to me?

One evening. That was all it took. One evening in a virtual world to lead to a rl meeting and change who I am forever. If I had to go back and do all of these things again, all of the hurt, pain, every sad moment just to have the happiness that I have with you now. Just to spend the one weekend we shared together. This love we share I know it is difficult, but it is real. I won't ever forget that weekend we shared. I love everything about you EVERY moment we shared together! Wanting so much to kiss you, to see you, touch you. I am truely and completely yours!

I Love You! <3>

❤ '*•'*•❤*•*'•❤ Kincent ❤•'*•*❤•*'•*'❤

  /\,,,/\

 (= ';'=)                               

 (")_("),,,  

             

A rose and a wink from you.........thats how it started. A new year, a new lover, a longtime friendship that has turned into so much more. 2008 has had it's ups and downs but I started the first night of the year with you and I am happy to end it with you too. So much that you and I have been thru to get where we are now.........happy.........completely blissfully wonderfully happy and I couldn't have asked for anything more!  I love you so much words can't describe this feeling I have for you! As long as I end up right here, I would do it all over again to be with you. 

I want the world to know that you are my love...and that I adore you with all of my heart. I just wish time could stand still when we are together...I fall in love with you more everyday...I don't know how my soul can fit anymore of you in...but it is topped off all the time. The most wonderful man I have ever known...I love you. My heart is yours....I am yours for as long as you want me. Ask and your wish shall be granted. Mine has the moment I met you. I love you! ❤ 

                                  (¯`·.·´¯)  (¯`·.·´¯) 

                                    `·.¸(¯`·.·´¯)¸.·´ 

                                 *ﾟ*♥ﾟ*`·.¸.·´ *ﾟ*♥ﾟ*