Guilt

Haven't been back to SL since I danced with Laurent. Mostly b/c of guilt. Not sure why but thats what I feel. I'm not owned at least not anymore. I'm my own person free to make my own choices again and yet here I am feeling guilty just b/c of one silly harmless little dance. Besides I know nothing else happened so why the guilt? Its my other feelings that are getting in the way.

OMG i hate SL!

This is EXACTLY why I said i did NOT want to get into another relationship again especially this quickly. I should not be feeling anything remotely like guilt. No way! Its been TOO long since I've had real fun on this dumb game and i've put way too much time, money and effort.... mostly time.... to not have some fun... REAL fun that is.... and not have to worry about the consequences. Relationships mess all of that up b/c feelings get hurt and you have to worry about if the other person is going to be all jealous if you have a night out with someone else.

Total BS!

I like to think that I'm not a jealous person I really do. Usually I can keep jealousy in check.... ok do admit it got out of hand with Ethaan but thats a whooooole other story. idk that ive ever gotten completely over him to be honest b/c we ended things so badly but other than that this is freakin SL! Name me one person who has honest to God been completely 100% faithful to their partner on here? hmmmm..... can't think of anyone i know! Not that it makes it right its just the nature of the crazy game and also why I've not been partnered. Not b/c I don't want to... I'd love nothing more than! I think I'm prolly the oldest av on the grid who can say she never has to be honest and I guess thats kinda sad. Granted I've broken UP a few partnerships in my day but hell that isn't my fault they can't keep it in their pants. I do what I do and be myself what happens well then that just happens I still have the no kiss and tell rule. OK maybe with Scotti but I know she won't tell a soul. Have too much dirt on her hahaha. Talk about guilt damn i'd be up shit creek if she ever blabbed. Then again there aren't many who would care to know either *sigh* oh well so much for that.... guess i'll go to SL and see what kind of hell i can raise lol

Aries

My Sign of the Zodiac is Aries since my RL birthday is April 14. The same page I read the poem I just posted previously had all of these beautiful different images so I couldn't help but be drawn in to see what was written under each of them. My sign says the following and is so dead on accurate its uncanny!



Ω Aries - The Ram
March 21 – April 19
Aries people are creative, adaptive, and insightful. They can also be strong-willed and spontaneous (sometimes to a fault). Aries people can be driven and are very ambitious often making them over-achievers in anything they set their mind to tackle. Aries are fire signs, and so too is their personality. They may be quick to anger, but don’t take it personally, it’s just their fiery, passionate personalities showing through. Aries signs have excellent sense of humor, and they get along with almost everyone at the party (and they DO know how to party). Aries can be impatient, but we love them anyway because they are devoted friends, lovers and family members – they are loyal to then end and will fight for their causes (usually supporting the underdog)

Celestial Benediction

This was posted on facebook today and thought it was beautiful so I decided to share b/c y'all know that i have a "thing" for sun, moon and stars:

Celestial Benediction

Tonight New Moon will kiss the Sun, behind a veil of starlight
Solar heart and lunar soul.... uniting in the dance
Reveries of ageless chimes electrify the darkness
As lovers’ cosmic sprinkling seeds the earth.

Born of this union, a dimly blooming crescent
Her beauty draws our evening glance and silhouettes appear
This waxing time, when souls are stirred to look beyond
To hope for more, dream of more....become more.

And as the eager birth appears, Full Moon lights the sky
Heralding incarnations, new vibrations
All that was to be now is .....the secret comes alive
To bless this humble earth with faithful promise.

Majestically they shine on distant shores now
Sweet Bella Luna, draped in the luster of her lover Sun
Creator's luminescent gift to creatures of the night
And those of us who chance to dream.

Alas, the moon begins to wane, and soon,
A Sleepy Crescent rocks the cradle of the midnight sky
Going home and leaving us to wonder
When, oh when, will she restore her joyous benediction?

~Joanne Cucinello

First Weekend "Back" in SL

well its my first official weekend back in SL..... hmmm.... a new viewer why am I not surprised?

Total crap as usual

Doesn't work on my computer why bother? I'll stick with what works Linden Labs thanks


Would appreciate it if y'all would work on problems instead of making more I see nothing much has changed in that department again not surprised

Alone

Not much happening this weekend not many people online either

*sigh*

I was gone way too long this time. Needed a break tho SL was weighing on me had to break free from the drama. Much better now but lonesome

oooooo an im yay!

ah my first friend to realize i'm "home" was my old friend Rottie. How I missed him so! We must have talked about everything under the sun a good 2 hours or so it seemed. Not much didn't get covered in that conversation. Was a good talk


On to shopping!


ah Lexie my dear sweet Lex I love her so! ooooo and Holly I missed her too now they are realizing i'm not dead hahaha i feel LOVED!!!!! yay!

warm fuzzies are coming back

Whisper she welcomes me next ooooo a new Queendom yay! granted its not really that new i'm just coming home again back to Charm. Man I've forgotten all of this. So much to remember! So many friends I'm leaving in Godiva. I love them but I can't stay there. NO not with..... him

Will always love my Godivas but I must remain loyal and will to my brother. I will never leave my brother not for anything. I love you and I miss him very "mush" lol muah <3 xoxoxox Nothing but good feelings for my fellow friends in Godiva. No ill will to them at all. Its not their fault that the things happened the way they did. I"m not sure how to tell my Queen so I am just going to bow out gracefully and pray she understands. Best to leave quietly than to make a big deal. Yes I think that is best..... no need to make a scene. Anxious to meet my not so new to me Queen Blaize. I knew her from being in Charm back in the beginning. Coming home how wonderful a feeling is that! At least I can find security and stability and not have to worry that I'm in a King/Queendom that is in a Minor area. I'm very anxious to get started again and claim what is rightfully my place. So much to remember that I have forgotten!!!

Should I say hello to Daddy? *sigh* not sure yet..... anxiety fills my heart as to his reaction about my leaving so abruptly and how he will be towards me wanting to come home again. Maybe in a a few days


ah Vik IMs me ooooo how I love to hear from him *giggles* we have such a good time together dont we? I have missed that voice so much not many I share voice with but i can't resist a quick hello

lunch lunch lunch why is my day interrupted???? *sigh* ok well i do have to eat....

back to shopping!!!! after all thats why i came to sl right?

wonder who else will be coming online tonight? y'know i haven't heard from Scotti? Tre is DJing but she isn't here.... odd.... just a quick hello i hate to not say hi and have him think i'm a snob

ooooooo looksee who is online....... trouble just waiting to happen should i? oh hell i can't resist of course i should...... hello Dez.....

Such a player

I know better

why did I IM him?

I know better

Just HAD to say hello didn't you *sigh*

yep and there she is..... Sable or whatever her name is..... oh no Sabine hahaha i can't keep his women straight..... ah well just one lil ole dance won't hurt right?

oh this is going to be fun his ex, me AND his current whatever in the same room? wonder if these 2 know about each other and more importantly i wonder if they know he is playing them with ME???? lol he is so much trouble..... hell thats the pot callin the kettle black

get your ass out of here Mel before you get into something you cant get out of

ok there is the brain working and not your dick

about time *poof*


Note to self: harmless dances turn into horizontal ones you know better.... especially where he is concerned stay the hell away! Now listen to yourself and do NOT give in next time. That was too damn close thank God it was just a dance whew!


oooo and IM from Laurent..... what a romantic.....*sigh* wants to go dancing now this is going to be a perfect ending to a great evening.......

How are y'all?

For the past month and a half I have been working odd jobs here and there trying to make ends meet. This comes after over 3years of no work. I will tell you it is a rude awakening going from nothing to do, to get it all done yesterday. It is good money but I can't spend it.

The wallet is fat.

It is fat but at what cost?

Am I happy?

Maybe. Well I am always happy so that is an unfair question. A better question would be am I okay.

So, Am I okay?

Let me think about it while I drink this glass of wine....

Am I okay? hmmmm.... I have my days of regret and questioned intentions but I see the rewards and fruit of labor dangling their carrots and I can't resist.

I hate working.

I move everyday twenty miles down the road every single day. I am like a gypsy in that way. But it's okay, the money is good and the wallet is fat.

I am not what I do, I am who I am.

I do what I have to so that I can drink what I want to.

On the road it is as if I have taken a rocket ship to some distant planet where communications can't reach me because I feel I have lost contact with everyone who matters.

I am of the grid.


GONE.

It kind of puts things into perspective. You can definitely figure out who really misses you and you definitely know who you miss.

Am I okay? The answer to that question is NO but I know that at in any point in life I will never be okay. It puts me in a place of constant struggle. I need to feel that life is an up hill battle. It is because I am so happy that I have to balance it with discomfort


But enough about me. How are y'all?