Email of the fuckin decade!

Oh my lord. I think I know where this man is going, but...wrong. Am I am asshole for posting this? Maybe I am, but this dude seriously does not get me AT ALL. I shall dissect as we go. This was sent to me a couple days ago from someone that i DO NOT KNOW He did not even say hi - just went right into it. Thanks, dude..


We've been watching a sensual love scene in the movie we rented, and we are both feeling rather aroused. Yeah, not really into romance flicks I see little beads of perspiration on your brow as I lightly kiss your lips. Am I sweating? Why am I sweating? Open a fucking window.

My tongue finds yours, and my hand slips inside your almost transparent blouse feeling your firm breasts and rising nipples. Whoa now. Transparent. Where the fuck did you see me wear anything transparent? Or a fucking BLOUSE for that matter. And I am guessing you mean white. Yeah, not happening. Our kiss becomes more passionate, and I gently unbutton the rest of your blouse and remove it. Your lacy bra is supporting your orbs, (you mean melons, beyotch) your hardened nipples forcing themselves against the light fabric. HA HA! My boobs are not orbs. Nor are they contained by mere mortal's lace. Light fabric indeed. I unhook it, (after how many tries?) and it falls away.Your breasts are only inches from my face, You feel my warm breath on them. I could smother you, you know...keep it the fuck up. I am not annoyed enough. Your nipples rise to meet my open mouth. They taste so sweet as my tongue laps and sucks all around those buds.

Your hands begin to work at my zipper and soon find their way inside. Uh uh. I do not stick my hand down the pants. That shit is coming off if I get my hands on a zipper. That's how I roll. I'm not getting carpal tunnel trying to play with a schlong in pants. Your cool hand encircles my balls making my cock throb with increasing desire. I quickly unzip and remove your little skirt (ain't nothing little about my skirts, jackass) revealing tiny lacy panties just covering your mound. Really? TINY lace panties. Who the fuck are you fantasizing about?

I place my face between your warm thighs (With the understanding I can lock you in a triangle hold) and inhale the perfume of your body.Okay I admit the rest of this seriously grosses me out simply because he is grossing me out in general. My fingers pull the elastic aside, and my tongues traces along your slit from clit to ass and back again. I slide your panties down to your ankles, and you kick them off, widening your thighs and raising your knees. Just...ick...reading this is eye rape.

I kiss your vaginal lips and feel the heat of your passion rising as my tongue lingers on your swollen clit. Ewww I pull you close as I suck your clit hard and deep into my mouth. I taste your juices as your pelvis begins to quiver. I squeeze your clit between my lips hoping more of your juice will squirt into my mouth. Ewww ewww ick ewww I inhale the aroma of your arousal as the tip of my tongue is now lapping your G spot. Who the fuck are you? Gene Simmons? Your hands which had been pulling me tight against your kitty are now fasten in my hair, urging me upwards. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

My hot tongue traces a trail slowly up your body, and you feel my hardness lodging against your pouting labia. Why are they pouting? Did you make my vag sad? Maybe you should stop. As we move our loins in unison, our open mouths meet, and you can taste your juice on my tongue. I plunge my hardness into your love tunnel. Whoa demon seed! No glove no love, you fucker. Back up off me. Move away from the vehicle. I actually kicked the shit out of someone that went in for a sneak attack. True story. I do not fuck around.

Our pubic bones grind together in our lovemaking frenzy, our now completely naked bodies bound together as one unit. Blargh! Every movement is evoking a similar response from the other. Our arms are tight around our bodies, legs are thrashing in all directions. I know you like it from behind. You do? When did we have this discussion. Did I send you a memo?

I carefully withdraw my wet, hot penis and roll you onto your belly. You raise your ass a little, and I slide the whole pulsating fatYuckieslength into you. You can feel every inch as it makes its way in and out. My hands reach around you to your swaying breasts. I kiss the lobes of your ears then the back of your neck as our passion builds even more.

You begin thrashing wildly on my penetrating erection, striving to satisfy your primal desires. Honey, this ain't primal. This is making me want to go celibate. You feel your orgasm begin as your body begins to spasm. You just made the thought of my own gaz gross me out. You asshole. You push your ass against my thighs, feeling me throbbing so deeply inside you. You cannot stop the onslaught of your climax as it rips through you. Your vaginal canal contracts in gripping convulsions. All I can do is savor the electricity of your pleasure. And let the dry heaves begin.
"I wonder how the movie ended."

Keep in mind this was all one paragraph. What a fucking doozy. I know this was a cut and paste and shit; but seriously...

KNOW YOUR FUCKING AUDIENCE! How creepy is this? He should write in a blog if he wants to write erotica. Did he think I was going to be into him because of this shit? If it was from a lover would be different but not from some random guy that i didn't know!

My favorite part was "I inhale the aroma of your arousal as the tip of my tongue is now lapping your G spot."

Buddy, you're tongue isn't long enough to hit my G spot. Unless, of course, you're not human or a mutant. So, an idiot, agreed?

I've gotten a couple of these myself. Same kind of theme, not having read my profile. I adore it when men talk AT you instead of TO you - it makes it so much more satisfying when I tell them how stupid they are. He obviously does not know much about female anatomy. Or females in general. Or how to talk to a person via email. Oh hell, there is a whole host of shit this guy doesn't know..

when I get these type of emails as a first contact, I cringe..know me, understand me THEN feel free to customize something for me..Although my favorite was the one where he kept confusing the gender of who was doing what..guess switching the pronouns was to much effort to go through to sort of try to hide the cut and paste job.. What an ass. I so hate when someone acts like they know what I am all about and are way off base. I had to give the guy props for at least being more creative than the ones received that say "Wanna Fuck" with not even bothering to say 'hi' first. Cracked me up.