Me vs The World

Its been one of those days today... Yes the demons I fight on a daily basis are seriously at war trying to pull me back today. you know the kind of days where nothing seems to go right... only today it isn't just my imagination. It really hasn't gone right. Get one good thing going and 2 or more situations to pull me back. Then for some sadistic twisted pleasure I seem to have some fascination with wanting to pick fights with random strangers. Only today wasn't just on SL but in RL.

My fucked up life is not getting better no. The good days are there and i'm tryin to be my usual ray of fuckin sunshine self and claim them but then days like today seem to yank me back to the darkness. I've got to stop talking so much to people I don't know that well.

Hell I've got to stop being so dam nice period b/c all i do is either A- get hurt B- hurt myself or C- both.... i hate myself for it. Then I hate to be a bitch all the time too so the battle rages on and I'm still fighting it alone. Trust me being alone in a room full of people really is the worst feeling I've ever had... i'm an independent person but i'm not good at being alone. People fuel me to be who I am. I need them so I guess that's why I keep doing this shit to myself over and over again

People say how they care so fucking much.... yeah right... forgive me if I say I've heard this before and have found its nothing but another empty promise in my life. Have plenty of those thanks but no thanks. Another person to let me down. Its bad enough I get put down and that roaring flame I use to have is barely lit now.... hardly even a flicker. Hell i dont even know if it's even lit anymore all i know is I don't know myself so i guess how can i expect someone else to?

I'm just tired of being used, being made fun of, being laughed at, being the person everyone depends on but when I need someone to be there for me they all run..... funny running is what i've been so good at lately.... dam expert actually.... I'm just tired of hurting so much all the dam time and i'm ready for it to all stop

TGIF????

idk if I'm glad its Friday or not. To be honest its not phasing me much since I've been up since Wednesday. Couldn't sleep no..... gee wonder why.....



As to Alex, we were friends and things started heating up a few weeks ago. Now I think he is just a boneafide stalker to be honest. He has taken just my first RL name, the general location of where I live, Imelda's Facebook info, and of course what he knew on SL and hunted down my real life info. Alex now has contacted me on my real facebook page and claims he knows my street address, my husband's full RL name (all he knew before was my husbands first name, has seen all of my real pics of my family (which creeps me out), and the kicker he knows my husbands middle name as well my mother's maiden name. My hubby NEVER uses his middle name for anything its always an initial b/c he hates it worse than he hates his first name. He is a "Jr" after his father. So now this guy (Alex) that I THOUGHT I knew I am realizing I don't know at all.

So now I'm realizing (proverbial brick upside the head?) he has been lying to me which is my BIGGEST pet peeve. I hate liars! Try my hardest not to lie I really do. Not on a game and not in RL. Then I know yall are reading this and going hmmmm Mel.... yeah right but what about Kincent? yeah yeah yeah i know.... i wasn't in my right mind then. and I didn't lie i just didn't come right out and say "Hey baby guess what I'm having an affiar love ya mean it" *sigh* i did tell the truth when I was confronted tho tyvm and no i didn't try to weasel my way out of it like a lot of people would have done. For the record Kin was the ONE and ONLY time i have ever done that


Now idk what to believe or if I even want to remain friends with this guy that I thought i meant something to. Thing is this keeps happening over and over. Thats what hurts so bad. SL just kills me when this happens b/c I let myself get so freakin involved and wrapped up in it no matter how hard i try not to. Said I wasn't going to do this remember? total lie b/c i did. Like I said earlier I think in some sadistic way I like it or I wouldn't keep doing this over and over again.

I know what I want in SL I've been looking for over 3 years to find it and haven't yet. idk if the bar is set too high or what but just like in RL i'm not lowering it b/c I know this person I'm suppose to be with is out there..... somewhere. If I lower the bar and compromise myself I'll end up with another "Clint" (my 1st and only marriage in SL not partner just married for 2 weeks). I've never partnered and I feel like an old maid. I really do and I guess thats what is really buggin me.

Building the Walls Again

People say hate is such a strong word but so is love. They throw it around like it is nothing...

You say you cant stand to see me get hurt so did you close your eyes when you hurt me?

I knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh but I had no idea looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
A broken heart will always hurt its all of these memories that kill. I'm crying inside but nobody knows it because on the outside I'm going to smile and laugh so people can't see what is really going on. I've been doing that for so long it has become second nature.

Are you happy now?

I dont remember the last time my smile was true until i met you. I'm still going to smile... the fake one i've been doing for so long so that people can't see the hurt that is really going on inside. How I do love to make others laugh and do it best when I feel like crying.

Someone once told me a quote that went "Love has its own time, its own season, its own reasons for coming and going. You can't coax it into coming or staying. You can only embrace it and give it away when it comes to you."

Took the walls down when I met you what I said to myself I wasn't going to do. I thought you would be different, but here I am with the hammer and nails putting my walls back up again. Need more wood and nails this time b/c the walls weren't high enough.

So I guess if you are done breaking my heart guess i'll go. The hardest part about walking away is knowing you won't run after me.....

Nothing is more painful than realizing he meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him. Thank you for all of the dances my only regret is that you wanted to leave without getting to dance one last time

What a SHITTY Day!

Middle of the week.... Humpday

Spoz to be a good day b/c we are half way there to the weekend right?

WRONG!

I think hmmm.... i need a distraction.... Alex is gone so why not go to Pegase and see what is going on.... so I log in and realize or what I thought I realized was going to be a Hawpanyu orientation meeting. So I'm like early for once in my life and log on just so I can go to it. Figure it would be nice to go somewhere quiet and just chill for awhile. maybe learn something in the process..... a bonus!

So I go to what I think is going to be an orientation meeting. This is what the note card says "24 June @ 11am SLT - Healer Orienttaion/Meditation Center outside Hometree". ORIENTATION right? suppose to be a meet n greet n get to know you kinda thing.

WRONG!

Get there and I'm rezzing in. 2 other ppl are there that I've never met. Our leader Banba that I have only talked to a couple of times via NC and IM is late.... again mind you after we had the last meeting and I waited AN HOUR only to find out that she never did come online the entire day. Yes I know RL comes first and yes I know shit happens but dayum when you have that many people coming you would think to have a way to contact SOMEONE and let them know whether or not you were going to make it or not. idk maybe thats just me but hells bells thats called common courtesy too.

So I get to this meeting today and I'm sitting there w these other 2 people who obviously know each other... and obviously know the instructor too a lot better than I do. I just want to try to learn and do this right. I've been trying so hard to fit in with these people. Had it not been for Laimis I really wouldn't be doing this at all. So far he is just about the only person who has been nice to me on this sim. I'm not really sure his being nice is going to keep me there either. Especially after what has happened today....

Banba asked one of the ppl to go find some plant that ive never heard of. So I lock on this person while the 2 of them trot off. Figure if they are going to leave i might as well see where they are going right? Besides I cam a WHOLE LOT BETTER than I walk cos of rez issues n stuff like that.

Anyways, so i see this plant Ive seen before and I said "ooo i've seen that!" oh my word you would have thought I had announced i had AIDS or something! Jeeeeez Banba lit into me like a hot knife thru butter! Made me feel about 2" tall..... idk maybe i was a lil over sensitive today but dayum it was still mean whether i was being sensitive or not. Especially since i had no idea what they were talking about and i SAID i didnt know what they were talking about too!

Here is the chat: (we are speaking in Na'Vi and wearing translators so what I'm saying isn't translated but what other ppl are saying is in brackets below this is also showing how much SHIT i see when I try to RP just so you get an idea of how hard this is to figure out wtf is goin on when not counting all the rez issues. btw my Na'Vi name is Liyanin (Julie))

[2010/06/23 11:05] Alyara: Oel lu ha oel lu ke ne ulte ra'a niwotx
[2010/06/23 11:05] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:06] Liyanin (Julie): Oei ngati kame aytsmukan ulte aytsmuke oel nga sla oel tsun ke kame
[2010/06/23 11:06] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0-freebie:
Entering chat range: Banba Muircastle (19m)
[2010/06/23 11:06] Banba Muircastle touches her forehead
[2010/06/23 11:06] (SP) Passion AO.: OFF
[2010/06/23 11:06] Alyara: Oei ngati kame
[2010/06/23 11:06] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:06] Banba: Kaltxi aytsmuke
[2010/06/23 11:06] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:06] Liyanin (Julie): Kaltxi tsmuke
[2010/06/23 11:07] Alyara: Kaltxi
[2010/06/23 11:07] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:07] Ti'Vani (Zarkela): Oel nga, aytsmuke
[2010/06/23 11:07] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:07] Banba Muircastle: ❤ Ì Ş∈∈ Ϋ☉Ŭ ❤
[2010/06/23 11:08] IM: Banba Muircastle (auto-response): Hi, thanks for IMing me but I am unavailable at the moment as I am giving a tarot card reading. I will respond when I am finished. Thanks.
[2010/06/23 11:08] Banba: Oel lu
[2010/06/23 11:08] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:09] Banba: Pxel nga niwotx omum fikem lu ke ultxa
[2010/06/23 11:09] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:09] Banba: Sla irayo
[2010/06/23 11:09] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:09] JAM smiles thank you for coming too sister
[2010/06/23 11:09] Banba: Nga ke sla lu ne
[2010/06/23 11:09] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:09] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:10] Banba: Fikem lu...lu ke hapxi tskxekeng
[2010/06/23 11:10] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:10] Ti'Vani (Zarkela): Ke set ta ke
[2010/06/23 11:11] Banba: Ohe kame
[2010/06/23 11:11] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:11] Liyanin (Julie): Munge ngeya krr tsmuke
[2010/06/23 11:12] Banba: Tsun nga ting nari tsengpe nga lu ne kame txo
[2010/06/23 11:12] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:12] Banba: Si nga omum pe pxel?
[2010/06/23 11:12] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:12] Banba: Txo ha nga tsun ting nari mi nga
[2010/06/23 11:12] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:12] Banba: Ulte ting nari
[2010/06/23 11:12] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:13] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0-freebie:
Entering chat range: Banba Muircastle (18m)
[2010/06/23 11:16] JAM: were we supppose to follow? i wasn't sure
[2010/06/23 11:16] Alyara: Oel lu ke pe fikem lu
[2010/06/23 11:16] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:16] SalaLove Alter: she ask specific person to look for it
[2010/06/23 11:16] JAM: ((grrrr my ooc isn't working ok i have my cam on her but i wasn't sure lol))
[2010/06/23 11:18] Alyara: Oel omum
[2010/06/23 11:18] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:18] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0-freebie:
Entering chat range: Banba Muircastle (17m)
[2010/06/23 11:19] Banba: Lu....
[2010/06/23 11:19] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:19] Liyanin (Julie): Oel sla oel ke omum pe oel
[2010/06/23 11:19] MystiTool HUD 1.3.0-freebie:
Entering chat range: Zarkela Tucker (19m)
[2010/06/23 11:19] Banba: Txo nga pelun nga ke srung
[2010/06/23 11:19] Liyanin (Julie): <Banba said "If you have seen the plant why did you not help us search for it">
[2010/06/23 11:20] Ti'Vani (Zarkela): Oel,
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:20] DCS2 2.99.10: You Gain 10 xp
Total Xp:
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie): Oel krr ke fipo
[2010/06/23 11:20] Banba: Ulte nga ke?
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:20] Banba: .... niltsan pelun nga ke srung
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie): <Banba said "hmmmm.... well then why did you not help us find it here">
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie): Oel ila peya hu...
[2010/06/23 11:20] Alyara: Oel ra'a kame
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:20] Banba: Zene si hapxi
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:20] Liyanin (Julie): Oel ke omum pe
[2010/06/23 11:21] Banba: Tsun nga tsni nga ke pe?
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie): <Banba said "Can you admit that you did not not what eyaye was?">
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie): Fu pe
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie): Oel ra'a kehe
[2010/06/23 11:21] Banba: Siltsan.
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:21] Banba: Lu ne.
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:21] Banba: Pehrr moe ra'a omum,lu siltsan ne, oel ra'a omum.
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:21] Banba Muircastle glances at Ti'Vani
[2010/06/23 11:21] Banba: Moe nga tsmuke
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie):
[2010/06/23 11:21] Ti'Vani (Zarkela) nods
[2010/06/23 11:21] Liyanin (Julie):

I'm like WTF?!?!?! EXCUSE ME????? I had JUST SAID idk what they were looking for (yes you can't read it b/c its in another language but i DID SAY IT) So my feelings get really hurt at this point b/c I've been trying so hard to do this and learn what i can right? Plus when I try to RP with other ppl I'm usually ignored or someone is just horrible to me. I even brought Alex to watch a training match and they were flat out RUDE to him! He didn't even say a word to anyone! I'm like this is ridiculous people are this freakin mean and rude around here!

So I think its time for me to take my toys and go play somewhere else. I can get this shit at home I dont need it in SL too.

My day started off bad and it got worse from there. I'm just glad its over and tomorrow is a new day. Jeez I hope ppl realize how much words can hurt folks. I'm the worst at cutting ppl but omg they usually deserve it! I dont just go around saying crap to be saying it. What Banba said really did make me cry and I haven't been back on SL since. idk if I am going back b/c I just dont want this shit. I have enough to deal with in RL w/o it. TG i have alts

In Pain in More Ways Than One....

had to go to the dentist today

sux

I hate dentists

he is a really nice man and a friend of my daddy's but its not him per se its just his profession. If there is one thing I am afraid of besides roaches, needles and heights it's dayum dentists. they skeer the shit outta me. all that scraping and drillin and dayum shit. oooooo i'm getting chills jus thinkin about it!

Thought i was gonna have to get a cavity filled but TG i avoided that! Musta misunderstood or something last visit idk. Who cares as long as i didn't have to right? My family has crappy teeth. Its in our genes..... I'm thinkin I'll just avoid the dayum dentists and change into some shorts or pants or maybe a nice skirt or somethin

middle of the week......

haven't talked to Alex in 2 days. So yes I'm longing to. Got a couple of IM's and emailes but its not the same as an actual convo. Nice of course and always better than not hearing anything. He is with the fam so I totally get it but since I realize that I'm a selfish person I know its wrong to want to monopolize his time too. Can't help how I feel tho but RL does and always will come first. I never will ask for him to take away time from his kids. No that wouldn't be right not in any form. I know how I get upset when I can't see my daddy and I'm 35 yrs old so I couldn't imagine what a lil kid would do. so no I wouldn't ask him to take time away from them.

Speaking of my daddy he goes and drops a bombshell on me.... I'm ok with it but idk something is buggin me and I'm not sure what it is. He tells me he has started dating. When he told me I totally ignored it like I didn't hear it and kept on rattling off like i do. He stopped me and repeated what he said. I'm like hmmm so he's dating huh? The man has never "dated" not ever never ever in his life. oh to be a fly on that wall sheesh.... ok take that back that would be even more awkward than him droppin this bombshell on me.

Think i know what's buggin tho. It's the fact that he and my momma were suppose to grow old together. Sit on the porch swing watchin grandkids in the yard. That's not going to happen. she was taken too soon too damn soon and its buggin me now that there is someone else. I'm happy he is happy I really am cos I know he is too dayum young to be going thru life alone.

but it aint my momma he is goin thru life with

Her name is Beverly. Apparently some family friends of ours introduced them about a month ago. A FREAKIN MONTH! yeah he has been seein her for 4 weeks and just now tells me *sigh* idk part of me thinks its b/c he didn't want to hurt me and part of me thinks he was wanting to see if this would work out and part of me thinks he was scared how I would react. I didn't act a fool i didn't honest! I waited until I got home and actually thought about it to act a fool.... like oh... now for instance.

He and my momma dated since high school. He didn't go out with another woman ever not once. Well unless he did when he was in the Army and if he did i dont wanna know. If I have some Japanese Vietnamese Chinese brother/sister speakin ching chang that i can't half understand I really do NOT want to know. So don't be showin up on my doorstep or ill shoot your ass you aint no relative of mine kinda like my aunts stupid ass husband she ran off and married.... dumbass (-.-)

well i chased a rabbit there didn't i? LOL get me started on some bastard child and I run with it hahaha oh well its my dayum blog ima say what i want

I just dont know about this Beverly person. Apparently she sounds a lot like me. Which that brings up a WHOLE other topic. I drive my Daddy crazy and we both know that! Not the good kinda crazy either the kinda crazy that makes you wanna pull your hair out and run screamin down the hall kinda crazy. So why the HELL is he datin some chick like me for? She apparently is an arteest or into art or something artsy fartsy like i am. She teaches psychology at the local comm college so right there that tells you she is fucked up. An arteest AND a psychologist WTH?!?!?! So i asked my daddy if Beverly is gonna examine me and try to figure me the hell out.... ha! good luck lady. Them idiots at 3Oaks couldn't do it so i doubt you can either.

She apparently is 30 days younger than my daddy too so she is older than dirt. I reckon thats good since they will know the same kinda stuff and get the same kinda jokes. he said she is really blunt talkin and a very independent kinda person too. Hey I think I like this woman! wait a min what did i just say? o.0 yeah i kno right? Her husband died 14 yrs ago and she has a daughter who is 24 and is about to get married. yippee big deal.... i reckon my daddy will get invited to that weddin too. The lady doesn't even like to go campin! So i wonder what the hell is he gonna do with that brand new RV he just bought 3yrs ago? hmmmmm...... give it to his absolutely fantabulous bestest awsum daughter in the world perhaps? *beams* now there is an idea!

Prolly not gonna happen but was a nice thought.....

Beverly..... *sigh* B-E-V-E-R-L-E-Y..... she best not hurt him or ill kill the bitch

When You Wish Upon A Star

Its been a great day oh yes it has! I've been accepted into the elite Omatikaya clan on Pandora PLUS after i had blogged last night I not only rec a msg from Alex I was able to see him for the first time since he has been gone! *does happy dance*

Oh how my heart is doing flip flops with the butterflies that are already in my tummy! I was so excited to see him I can't stand myself! Saying "I'm happy" doesn't begin to describe the feeling that I'm feeling. It's such a mild understatement!

It was only for a brief moment but it was sooooooo worth it just to be in his arms for that moment in time. To have his love wrapped around me and feel its warmth surrounding me.... mmmmm.....

Haven't heard from him tonight but something told me I wouldn't. He had a very long day today in RL so I figure now that its almost 2am I too am going to call it a night.....

*looks up at the sky finds Cassiopeia http://www.outerbody.com/stargazer/ ; makes a wish on the first star I see; blowing a kiss I whisper to the wind "I Love YOU"; knowing in my heart it will find you wherever you are* OMG you so understand me.... its unreal

Day 2 *sigh* Father's Day

Heard from Alex last night.... mmmmmm..... we had the most wonderful convo until the wee hours of the AM. He is the most delicious man and can word things oh my can he word things..... makes me miss him even more *sigh* OK 2 days gone and 5 more to go. I can do this.

It's just a guy Mel.

BS I know better he isn't "just a guy" I've been with "just guys" before Alex is different in so many many ways. He reaches me on another level. me... yeah ME! out of all people he understands me. Not easy to do..... and he listens to what I have to say and actually thinks its important.... or at least he makes me feel he thinks its important to him. Nobody listens to what I say. Talking is what I do best yes everyone knows this but he actually HEARS me and i haven't raised my voice one single time! OK in bed doesn't count cos the man can make me scream yes and speak languages even *I* don't recognize *giggles*...... lawd just thinking about him mmmmm yummy..... OK can't even blog and not think about him good lawd.....

F-O-C-U-S MEL!!! (stop thinking about Alex!) grrrrr..... i dont wanna.... hate when my brain starts kicking in *pouts*

Oh alright.....

So today is Father's Day as if you didn't know but CAN IT GET ANY HOTTAH PEOPLE?!?!? I'm jus sayin cos we go to take my Daddy to lunch right. Walk out the door I instantly start meltin. Get to the restaurant and I sit down and I sweat tah death the whole time we eatin. I'm wonderin why i even bothered to take a bath in the 1st place? Back home after lunch I get buck naked under TWO fans, the a/c, and i gotta ice pack on my head and i'm still sweatin tah death! If this aint the change o' life I'm SOOOOOOOOO NOT gonna make it! Thing is I'm not OLD ENOUGH TO BE GOIN THRU THE CHANGE O' LIFE! grrrrr..... dayum you Mother Nature!

Anywho, hope all you Daddy's out there had a good day today whether you are a biological dad, stepdad, or just considered as part of the family or as a father figure TO someone. Happy Father's Day!!!!

Day 1 No Alex

Y'all know from time to time i'm prone to post quotes i like on here. Well today I heard this one and couldn't help but think of Alex especially since he is gone and has been a day and a half now *sigh* This is going to be a very long week I can tell b/c it's been a very long day and its just the first one... omg i didnt realize how much i was going to miss him. I miss just talking to him *sigh* Yes, I'm heels over head and madly bad in love with this man. omg why can't this be next weekend already!

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." [William Parrish] from the movie, Meet Joe Black (1998)

Missing Alex

Well Alex is gone.... just left actually and I'm alone again with my thoughts. I miss him already. God I hate SL

ok not really

I hate that I feel this strongly for someone AGAIN and I said I so wasn't going to do this. Yeah right sure Mel you say stuff all the time and here you are in love with him. He hasn't been gone 10min and you want him back.

That's how I know I have it bad omg I have it really bad this time. It's getting stronger than the feelings I had for Eth and Kincent combined. Dayum i'm in trouble with this one and I know it. What's worse is HE knows it. Haven't felt like this since Caden. Hell Alex could BE Caden IRL for all I know *sigh*

i never did get over Caden (and I thought i never would) but now I am finding out that the feelings I had for Caden are even being replaced. i said that wouldn't happen for another man... not ever never ever in a million yesrs. i know better than to say never b/c that usually is EXACTLY what happens.

OMG I am in love with this man and I don't know if I can help myself


I'm trying so hard to take things slow. Keep the brakes on ya know? pffft who am I foolin? that's so not happening! I've fallen heels over head absolutely in love with Alex and I can't help myself in spite of my best efforts to guard my heart.

He said before he left he hopes another guy doesn't come along this week while he is gone and snatch me away. Y'know I got to thinking about that. I dont WANT to be with someone else. Even if they did come along and try. I dont WANT another man I just want him. I want him so bad it hurts and my heart is breaking that he is going to be gone an ENTIRE WEEK! *sigh* I'll be counting the seconds until I can see him again. Unitl I can be in his arms again. Dancing the night away. Kissing him until dawn. Laughing about things that others just wouldn't get or remotely find humorous. Exploring the heights and depths of this great world we call Second Life like nobody else has with me before no matter where that place is. Being home with him and doing absolutely nothing but be together.

Just Being ME with him and yet so much more..... omg I am so in love with you Alex! Come home soon!

Stuck With You.... Only I'm Not There

Well this sux I've been stuck online for 3 days now only I'm not really online. It just looks like I'm logged into the grid. I can receive IM's; can receive items given to me; and I can apparently interact with people just as if i was online.... only IM NOT THERE!

My av is there but if you walk up to me and continue walking you can WALK RIGHT THRU ME! 0.o If y'all remember a few years ago I received one of my most favorite costumes for Halloween.... a ghost.... I love that crazy costume b/c it was so cute! Not your typical sheet w 3 holes either. Oh no it was adorable prim sheet ghost and I wore that stupid costume all over SL hahahaha! I had me some fun i sure did w that costime bein the "ghostess w the mostess" only now I REALLY AM THE GHOSTESS WITH THE MOSTESS! ack! this is SO not what i had in mind.....

So if you have tried to contact me and I haven't replied I promise I'm not a snob and I'm deffo not ignoring you. LL is supposedly "working on it".... yeah ok whatever

I'm not holding my breath or I know i'll be a ghostess for realz

Beyoncé - Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

When I first heard Beyonce sing this song I fell in LOVE with it. Now that I've met Alex I have more than a reason to sing! So if you see us out in the club dancing then you know I'm happy b/c I'm with him. So I dedicate this to all of you:





All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies

Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up
I'm doing my own little thing
Decided to dip and now you wanna trip
Cause another brother noticed me

I'm up on him, he up on me
Don't pay him any attention
Just cried my tears, for three good years
Ya can't be mad at me

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
Got me tighter in my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I can care less what you think

I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn and now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

Don't treat me to the things of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve

Here's a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms, say I'm the one you own
If you don't, you'll be alone
And like a ghost Ill be gone

All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up, oh, oh, oh

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

When You're In Love

You know how when you first fall in love you get all excited and you get butterflies in your tummy?

Heart races

Blood pumps 90 to nothin

Staying up for HOURS til the early AM talking about nothing but yet its about EVERYTHING just so you don't have to leave b/c you can't BARE to be w/o the other person? *sigh*

How to keep this feeling? How do we bottle this up and stop time so this feeling will last every so much longer than it does? Eventually the "new" does wear off no matter how hard we try to cling on with a death grip and make it last as long as we possibly can. It's never one person's fault the newness wears off its just something that happens. We eventually find out what each other likes and dislikes and that they have weir quirks..... yes even tho mine are a lot weirder than most we all do have them *grins*

So how do we keep the newness alive?


I've been seeing someone these past few weeks and y'all i have to tell you in the 3 years I've been on SL i've never met anyone like him..... a PERFECT gentleman. OK backup.... lemme rephrase that..... not anyone single and available that is at the EXACT TIME I AM! *faints*

Have the fates of SL finally.... yes FI-NAH-LEE decided its time for me to be happy? hmmmm time will tell cos the jury is still out on that one. I still think he is perfect right? hahaha No haven't found his flaws yet i'm pretty sure he has found some of mine. Is it possible that a man this kind, sweet, smart, considerate, and evah so charming is single? and is NOT going to run out the door? hmmm idk but I have been enjoying every single minute that I have been with him and do want to find out!

As y'all know I've been hurt by more than one in SL and i'm not in any rush to get hurt again. So why in the WORLD am I with someone? Lawd it beats me. I wasn't even looking he just "happened" and we started talking..... about hair no less..... and idk things blossomed from there. He is super friendly and like myself he never meets a stranger so you can't help but like the guy instantly. ok ok ok i know i'm biased but he really is a sweetheart. Doesn't fly off the handle like yours truly either when someone tries to challenge him. Maybe we will cancel each other out w my hot temper and his calm cool and collected self? Y'kno how they say opposites attract.... but only if you flip those magnets over......

......and boy have I ever flipped for Alex! <3

The Most Fantabulous Day!

Don't always have a fantabulous day but I did today and I'm in an exceptionally great mood!

Smiling like a Cheshire Cat yes I am.

New love was found, old love was reunited, old flames have been rekindled and all is right in my world for once. *sigh*

Yes I'm flying on Cloud 999

Praying that I stay high and dry for quite some time b/c I really do need this feeling and its GREAT! *big grin* I'd say i was in love with everyone but then all y'all know that I was lying.

So I'll say that I love MOST everyone and hope that those reading have a great day too


MUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
~XXXXXXXXXXXXXX~

Happy Rez Day To ME!

So OK my Rez Day that would be my Second Life Birthday was like a week ago yeah well I'm a lil late posting ok sue me.... and I'm now THREE holy shit I can't believe its been that long that I've been in SL! But since I've been back nothing much has changed it the same ole same going on....blah blah blah. I'm kinda bored already to be honest. So I thought why not go to an RP world ya know? just for something different for a change. It's been awhile since I have done that sorta thing so I thought sure now is as good a time as any since it was my Rez Day. So since I enjoyed the movie Avatar so much actually I enjoyed the message about the movie all the peace and love of nature to be honest is what I loved about it. I thought I would find a world to RP in that would be like that. OK not too hard right? no it wasn't but OH MY GOD these people are like mega serious about their RP! I thought we did some RP in our family but hell no not on this level! jeez they take so much stuff so seriously! I mean dam one guy was asking a question the other day concerning where to get an item i can't remember what it was to be honest its not important but one of the so called "high council" people literally bit his head off and said "take it to IM". OK knowing me and my smart ass self I had to say something right? I just don't give a shit! So I said "I'd hate to know we were trying to ask questions in here about this place all us new people since we can find out stuff any other way and all or something like that. I mean i'd hate to know it was Pandora related" omg what an ass! can't remember the guy's name but shit if i see it come up again i'll know it for sure. idk if i'm going to stay here or not just yet there are other places to RP. I met a great guy.... ok don't go there he has a gf..... but he is a great guy.... and he has been helping me out a WHOLE lot. He is really sweet and I have to admit I was kinda disappointed he has a gf but not surprised to find that out either. After all the good ones are snatched up pretty quickly or either they aren't really that good and just leftovers from what use to be good. I swear i'm the oldest avatar on SL that hasn't ever partnered. I'm not even sure why to be honest. Yes i do know why. I gave my heart to the wrong people and I trusted them with it. then i stayed in a relationship with the wrong person too long and should have left sooner than i did. hindsight is 20/20 right? *sigh* but we learn from our mistakes and its what we do with that knowledge that is what makes the difference. ah i'm rambling.... its just one of those days today and i'm having a pity party wallowing in my loneliness.....