Me vs The World

Its been one of those days today... Yes the demons I fight on a daily basis are seriously at war trying to pull me back today. you know the kind of days where nothing seems to go right... only today it isn't just my imagination. It really hasn't gone right. Get one good thing going and 2 or more situations to pull me back. Then for some sadistic twisted pleasure I seem to have some fascination with wanting to pick fights with random strangers. Only today wasn't just on SL but in RL.

My fucked up life is not getting better no. The good days are there and i'm tryin to be my usual ray of fuckin sunshine self and claim them but then days like today seem to yank me back to the darkness. I've got to stop talking so much to people I don't know that well.

Hell I've got to stop being so dam nice period b/c all i do is either A- get hurt B- hurt myself or C- both.... i hate myself for it. Then I hate to be a bitch all the time too so the battle rages on and I'm still fighting it alone. Trust me being alone in a room full of people really is the worst feeling I've ever had... i'm an independent person but i'm not good at being alone. People fuel me to be who I am. I need them so I guess that's why I keep doing this shit to myself over and over again

People say how they care so fucking much.... yeah right... forgive me if I say I've heard this before and have found its nothing but another empty promise in my life. Have plenty of those thanks but no thanks. Another person to let me down. Its bad enough I get put down and that roaring flame I use to have is barely lit now.... hardly even a flicker. Hell i dont even know if it's even lit anymore all i know is I don't know myself so i guess how can i expect someone else to?

I'm just tired of being used, being made fun of, being laughed at, being the person everyone depends on but when I need someone to be there for me they all run..... funny running is what i've been so good at lately.... dam expert actually.... I'm just tired of hurting so much all the dam time and i'm ready for it to all stop